Table of Contents:
How to get over feeling self-conscious EP 66
Video taken from the channel: Christine Hassler
Ever Felt Fear of Humiliation? Avoidant Personality Disorder May Be Why
Video taken from the channel: MedCircle
Jordan Peterson On Feeling Guilty, Inadequate And Self-Conscious
Video taken from the channel: Bite-sized Philosophy
Stop “Feeling Fat” and Start Feeling CONFIDENT
Video taken from the channel: maryscupoftea
3 Ways To Overcome Your Self-Consciousness (Like, Today)
Video taken from the channel: Alexa Fischer
39 Thoughts Every Runner Has When Running
Video taken from the channel: BuzzFeedViolet
How To NOT Be SelfConscious While Exercising.
Video taken from the channel: jpmetz
Grab a Running Buddy. You may also feel less self-conscious if you get a friend or family member to come along on a run with you. A bonus of running with a buddy is that you can keep each other motivated before, during, and after the workout.4 Ways To Get Over Feeling Self Conscious While Running 1. Focus on You. Up until this moment, you’ve likely only viewed your awkward situation from one perspective, which is 2. Dress Like A Runner.
I know that when I look great, I act it.Watch two runners run past each other on the street and they will almost always acknowledge each other in some fashion. A little head nod sort of saying, “hey you’re out here working too, good for you.” If you feel self conscious about people watching you or what other people may be saying, just remember: who cares?!
Choose the quietest time of day. Choose a time of day that is a little quieter than usual. This could be early in the morning or after dinner time. This will help you to build your confidence when running outdoors and will take away the fear of being judged by the public.Running Resources.
PaceBuilders® Training System – A complete, end to end, custom training program for runners. Get unlimited ‘customized’ training plans with unlimited modifications that match your lifestyle and running goals. PLUS, get access to video training sessions and unlimited support so you can blast through your running.Steer clear of clothes that are too tight or too loose on you.
Opt for clothes that move with you and breathe well, such as spandex leggings or shorts and a cotton t-shirt. Choose clothes that make you feel comfortable. For example, if wearing a tube top and shorts.
Wearing the right clothes for running may make you feel more comfortable when running in public. For women, it’s especially important to wear the right sports bra. While running can be done by yourself, at the beginning you may also feel less self-conscious if you get a friend or family member to come along with you.Things to try wear something you wouldn’t mind answering the door bell in (skinny lycra running tights are not compulsory!), wear a cap with a peak (somehow it makes you feel less visible), run with a friend (preferably someone who looks less like a runner than you! or maybe an obvious runner to make you seem athletic by association), choose a route where people have better things to do than.
When you’re self-conscious, it’s as though you’re on stage, and the audience is scrutinizing your every step. Rationally, you know that everyone isn’t watching you, but that’s how you.It’s very common to feel a little self-conscious when out running, particularly if you’re new to the sport. However, you shouldn’t be concerned about what others may think. The vast majority of other runners will respect you for joining the running fraternity.
They, more than anyone else can relate to the struggles that you may face!Embrace the great things about running. As well as the health and fitness gains, it will boost your sense of wellbeing and confidence.
The benefits will far outweigh any anxieties you might fee.I don’t really feel self-conscious running, but when I dress up as a clown and dance down the street Im mostly worried about my friends/people I know seeing me. level 2 6 points · 6 months ago.How to get over feeling self-conscious while working out. By Kimberly Gillan | 5 years ago. iStock.
Stop stressing about what the hot people at the gym think of you – they’re too busy looking at themselves maybe it’s because you want to be fit and healthy into old age or maybe you want to be able to run around with your children.Try repeating that first sentence in your head while running; it helps! Helpful. · 0 Comment · 0. View. 6y Lídia in Tangier. Focus on who you’re beating with every step you run (hint: everyone on the couch watching TV).
It takes a lot of courage to run, no matter how little or long you’ve been doing it.Identifying your shortcomings is always the first step while working on it. Try to take a look inwards, into your own self, and understand when you are becoming self-conscious.
Take note of the times when you tend to become a little more self-conscious, and identify the pattern.
List of related literature:
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| from Advanced Marathoning |
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| from Mindfulness For Dummies |
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| from The Cool Impossible: The coach from Born to Run shows how to get the most from your miles and from yourself |
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| from Runner’s World Complete Book of Running: Everything You Need to Run for Weight Loss, Fitness, and Competition |
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| from Marathon: The Ultimate Training Guide |
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| from Run or Die |
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| from The Art of Running Faster |
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| from Mindfulness: Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Psychology |
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| from The Practice of Natural Movement: Reclaim Power, Health, and Freedom |
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| from Mental Training for Peak Performance: Top Athletes Reveal the Mind Exercises They Use to Excel |
251 comments
I don’t know if I have this, or I’m just shy. But since I was like 11 years old or something I so scared of going in any, anywhere. Every time I go out at the street, maybe I’m just going to the supermarket in front of my house, I need to go wearing headphones, cos if I hear ppl, I get afraid. Maybe I have social anxiety. When I’m walking at the streets by myself I feel one of my legs freezing, and I start to limp. And I feel that everyone is looking at me, and I just wanna run.
Lmao!!!! The jiggly thing on the side of the road!! Lmao all me!
Justine, YOU LOOK AMAZING. I wondered what you had done, I could tell on a video on still soundly awake that you had lost alot of weight. Dont worry about those jerks, you are not there for them, you look great and I hope you keep up the good work! Become one of those people! I became one of those people when I quit smoking, ok that’s a different sort of people… but you know what I mean! But YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! ♥
First video I’ve seen and I have to say this is really inspiring me! You’re awesome! <3
People are separated on YouTube and in life when they reach the end of their social media list and say either Twitter or Tumblr. You can learn a lot about a person.
Justine!!!! Wow! Seriously I have like left 2 comments on videosever and I just have to say good on you and good on you for giving all of us who have insecurities despite what we look to give the “f”s as per the amount you demonstrated.
I love how you put that and I am glad someone has vocalised it. You’re right absolutely right. All this shaming whether it is fat shaming, skinny shaming is because people want to feel better about themselves!
I am happy for youplus those endorphins do wonders =)
Life tip: Never meet your idols. Because you will realize they are human too.
I’m afraid my social anxiety is reaching this level…I’m tired of feeling unable to make friends…so I just don’t open up to people. I can’t even smile at people unless I can’t help it. Edit: I remember being dropped off at a day care this women ran from her home….and I remember crying for days and days over my mom leaving. Maybe It was worsened when my mom was forced to leave us with my grandma a couple of years later (because she couldn’t take care of us) just for a few months….until she was able to get us again. And I missed her and I was bullied alot especially by my aunt who was around my age. And my uncles and aunts told me bad things about my mom (that wasn’t true) until I would cry…..I remember being so happy when she came back. I dealt with things better that time, but I hated being there for many many reasons. Not to mention all the teachers in my childhood who made me feel stupid and unreachable and the many kids who picked on me for no reason. It started when one of the teachers (a fat mean women) would encourage it. There must be some reason why those things have hurt me for years after I’ve graduated.
This is a great video that made me feel great and I went to the gym this morning and I feel great. GREAT.
I have the stupidest guilt I guess but I will share it with you guys nonetheless.. Basically I’ve been playing lol nonstop during Christmas that it fucked up my sleep cycles. I would go to sleep in the morning and wake up at night. So now that my university studies started again I have missed a day because of it. I tried to fix it by going to sleep earlier but only slept for 2 hours and then I was just staring up at the ceiling. So when morning came I was exhausted and said fuck it I’m not going today. This makes me feel guilty since my parents are paying for my studies and I feel like I’m letting them down. I know it’s a normal thing to do and that many people my age do this many times but I can’t stand the guilt even if I haven’t done it many times before.
I don’t care who you are or what size you are, it makes me happy when I see people running or working out at the gym because hey, you’re getting out there and trying to stay healthy!
I have found that I’m introverted and empathetic. I always wondered why I would be severely punished for missing a question in math. My teacher, when I was in fourth grade, brought me to the front of the classroom and punched me in the back and pushed me. Then she called my father who walked up to the school in his house shoes and beat me with a belt in front of the class. That was allowed back in the 60s.
That set me onto the road of not ever to be humiliated again. I am not necessarily scarred by it, but it makes me feel for other people who are feeling humiliated.
I still don’t ever feel socially embarrassed. At least I haven’t yet. I’m introverted still oh, but you’re right. I don’t think I need a label
Me: yesss its all downhill from here i can do it!!!
Also me: wait i live on a frikin hill
1 tip: When you’re jogging it’s good to try to always wear like jogging clothes or something becausebthen people won’t assume you’re running to or from something.
Can someone provide me with a summary of what he explains in this video. THANK YOU
“This pattern can be mended through the right education…”
You get a couple guys, you come over to my house, you try it. I’ll grab you by the cluster C, Barney.
Awesome video, Justine…and this is so true. Some people are going to judge others no matter what. They’ll judge at the gym, the grocery store, or just by walking down the street. No need to think about that; think about important things like being a badass.
Oh, and you look amazing!
Agreed. And it could be worst you could be in Japan where thin people are SUPER thin lol But people were nice here when I went to the gym. I should subcribe again now that I am once again in my “I should be healthier” mode.
OMG I struggled with this for most of my life! I want to cry, as I thought it was something deficient about me instead of a result of how much I was bullied by my FoO. Thank you. I’m better now, but I still berate myself sometimes for doing it saying something I think is wrong.
I’m guilty of not caring about people. If they like me they like me, they don’t they don’t. At the same time I don’t go around harassing people either or be an asshole. So should I feel guilty?
I have another version of this problem… I feel like working out at a gym being overweight would be easier because it’s like “Hey, I’m here to make a positive life choice” and the people around you will think of you as driven.
I, on the other hand, am extremely thin and extremely weak. I feel like if I went, I’d have no idea what to do and I’d die after like 30 seconds on the treadmill on slow. That’s why I don’t exercise aside from moving from the couch to my bed.
Why did i feel exhausted watching this like I’m the one running? Why am i running out of breath? ��
In elementary school, I was yelled at by classmates to run faster so that I wasn’t in their way and that we could get to the game faster. I then learned that I couldn’t play or participate in gym if I didn’t have my shoes, so I used that as a tactic so I didn’t feel like a burden to my classmates.:/ But now that I’m a senior, I’m in dance class, and the fact that it’s not gym makes me feel so much better because I’m doing what I like and having fun instead of feeling like crap. It’s difficult to keep up with the others, but I’m at least trying my hardest.:)
I’m 15 and I actually find it pretty easy to go to the gym and not give a damn about anyone. I always walk in, get my headphones on and start working out as if no one’s there, and leave. Like, even if people are laughing at you, whats the big deal? Let them laugh. It’s not gonna affect your workout.
There is something to be said that there are no “thumbs downs” on this video because, HELLO! TRUTH!
as for Adam x eve,the reality was that the moment they went against what God told them not to touch or take of the fruit from the tree was that for the first time they felt guilt. this was an awakening of our tendency to go against what is wrong x go ahead and do it anyway.much more to this story,that is just the beginning of the fall of men,,also in the story, that was why they hid when they heard God calling,where are you,,God knew exactly where they were,much more on this story,,open your heart to God x read the bible with an open mind towards God,it will be revealed to you..HUMBLENESS is the answer.been there done that.
Good for you. Going to the gym doesn’t just get you in shape, those lovely endorphins just make you feel better overall. I actually haven’t run into any discouraging people. I would think that kind of behavior would not be tolerated in most gyms either.
You’re a star Justine! Simply a star! I hope and wish people will listen to your message, it’s worthwhile! Thank you for being the voice! Xxx
Anyone who goes to the gym and takes the time to talk shit about other people are the ones who should stay home, because if they aren’t focused on what they’re doing enough to notice other people being fat, they’re there for the wrong reasons. I wear headphones anyway, but the only time i’ve made note of another person at the gym is a really pregnant lady because that’s unusual (in the good way), the guy who always wants to change a tv to Fox News so he asks every single person if he can change it, and people who look like maybe they’re going to pass out because they’re leaning against a wall and panting. I’m really self conscious so I speak from personal experience when I say that you (general you) can and will get past the idea that they’re all gonna laugh at you.
you give me so much hope for myself and my well being that you’d probably be furious about how much you inspire me. <3
I started exercising properly for the first time in January 2014, and I have to say, I have never met so many kind and encouraging people since I started (maybe I’m lucky?). I hated exercising in school, the fact I had to change in front of everyone & being in an all girls school they were judgemental bitches! I regret not exercising outside of school because my fitness levels plummeted into the ground. Nowadays, I don’t even give a shit what people think! I have huge admiration for big girls & guys getting out there and getting fit for nobody but themselves. I just completed my first 10km race 2 weeks ago and I’m delighted!! I’m so proud of myself that I ran that distance!?! Well done Justine, you look AMAZING even with all that pink on you!:P
I tried to help my boyfriend to go look for medical advice and last night he drank like I have never seen him before and he almost pointed the gun at him to kill himself.now I am terrified to go in my house thai own and not him
For anyone looking for a gym that is probably as judgement-free as you can find, I’d suggest Planet Fitness. It’s a “chain” gym so there are many locations. Membership for just using the gym’s equipment is $10/month. They also have a $20/month membership option that includes the use of the tanning beds, total body enhancement machines, massage chairs, drink discounts, the ability to go to any planet fitness location (aside from you “home” location), etc. Planet Fitness has a great policy where they will warn members if they are seen doing things such as grunting while lifting weights or other actions that could make someone else feel insecure. If there is an ongoing problem with members doing things like this, Planet Fitness has the right to terminate the person’s contract and revoke their membership. I believe that the weights don’t go over 45 or 50 pounds because Planet Fitness is a gym that is geared toward people who are looking to get in shape rather than body build. I joined a few months ago and I really like the atmosphere and I feel much more comfortable being there in comparison to other gyms. Hope this helps anyone who may be interested.:)
You look good in pink!!:) Thanks for the video, its nice to know other people feel the same way I do:S
“I was a hot mess when I had to drop her off”
You
didn’t
have
to
drop
her
off.
Runners, what do you do when it’s icy all winter? Not a big fan of gyms
3:15 3:33 should be like a vine or something!!!!..Very inspiring! I myself am rather overweight at the moment and I do go to the gym I find people are nicer when I’m at the gym working out than walking on the street… I think because they know your there trying to better yourself they keep quiet… I had many rude things said to me or rude looks in public sometimes it’s hard but you just gotta push through and fine your own little jpmetz voice that say “wtf do I care about other’s opinions!’… I swear you should start a “What Would Jpmetz do series” you are very encouraging, and inspiring through the “heartless and not caring character you create”…which when it comes to feeling self-conscious we should all embody that character too ourselves.
ok, now I’m just rambling… your looking so good Justine! I’m so happy for you!:)
For me the blessing is that one day I am going to
Die seriously can’t wait for that day…. update never mind the only thing good about dying is trying your hardest to live first… anyone feeling down please don’t take my words literally! I’m a jackass
Thank you to the guy that wrote “So no, that, that… (x2)” in the subtitles.
I am also losing weight and have been so self conscious of going outside to exercise… thank you for making this video!
PS. You look RADIANT.
As a runner this is relatable except for the part where she says she doesn’t like running
All I think is how hot I will be in the future if I get skinny
5 minutes later: why does everything itch
Constantly fidgeting with my clothes, overcompensating by being quiet around strangers, going out of my way to be useful or doing my hair and makeup, wearing solid black to appear smaller (and hopefully invisible), gym intimidation, intimidation to walk my dog in my hometown, sexual buzzkill, not leaving my house, comparison
I like this new jpmetz, instead of scrambling for things to talk about you’re talking about things that are true to you. Thanks for the advice!
Sometimes putting on sunglasses when you’re running outside helps boost self confidence. I wouldn’t recommend it for inside the gym though.
Keep doing what you’re doing!! You’re a true inspiration!!
When I see heavier set people running or riding a bike on the side of the road I yell “keep going you can do it woooooo!” N they smile give me a thumbs up n go faster! It’s awesome I hope it gives them the motivation and that they know they’re not being judged by everyone n that some people think it’s great.
justine you are stunning! also, some solid advice! i wish i would have learned sooner to simply not give a damn. your life becomes so much better once you stop caring about what the losers that surround you think.:)
I have an app that pays me to walk and so I walk in the house so I don’t waste data while it tracks that I am moving plus it’s hella hot outside so I walk in the house and you would think my family would be supportive of that well most of them are except my sister she always goes on and on about why don’t I walk outside and what I am doing is stupid yet when I ask her to go for a walk with me outside she always says no..
Oh Queen Justine, the pink overload brings out even more of my gayness……except that I hate pink and I hate the fact nobody calls you queen anymore ( have you killed all your minions?) The message of this video was powerful and strong…I have nothing more to add.
As a woman, I feel like we all have that little spot in the back of our minds where we think something really really bad could happen to us that day on our run
Completely agree, I was fat in middle schoolearly high school. and I HATED when they made us play shirts and skins. It was really depressing, I didn’t start working out til my junior year in high school, Losing weight is way harder than it looks
Justine you just encouraged the crap out of me.:) I love the positivity!
can someone tell me that its okay to go jogging even tho your body is “big”
ive been trying to lose weight, workouts dont work, i have a great mealplan, and ive always been thinking of going jogging, but im just scared of my body, and judgemental faces. any advice?:(
In regards to social humiliation.
When I was in highschool I went to a party with my friends, it came across as a party anyone could go to that at least was friends with people going. So I went. Everything was fine among a party of 15 total men and women. When the host came downstairs she looked at me and said “Who invited you Dave?” Anyways she apologized about 5 min later.
It was one of the most embarrassing situations in my life (I know it could always be worse lol) Me and her had no bad history. Had one class together maybe a year earlier. It was about 18 years ago and it still bothers me today to some degree. Causes me anxiety in certain situations, and till this day, I never invite myself to anything unless it’s family.
Wow. There is true. I remembered about my narcistic mother telling me when I was like 2 years old and my narcistic granmother had to take care of me and It’s was fighting bucause I was alone for many hours with no food and supervision. Lucky me at I was as little child quiet and calm. And still me as an adult they were fighting for those horible behavours and blame each other. ������
Not me buddy I am happy �� I really am, just except it for what it is ☝️����������
i hate how people make fun of fat people for doing ANYTHING. getting a burger? “lose weight, fat ass” getting a salad? “LOL look at them trying to make us think they’re healthy. tired on a certain day? “you need to stop being so lazy” exercising? “LOL LOOK HOW FAT THEY LOOK, LOOK HOW PATHETIC THEY ARE TRYING TO DO THAT”
It’s sick how we just can’t win. Eventually you just need to stop giving a shit what other people think, I’m so glad I did. Just do your best and FUCK THE REST!
once you get into running, you won’t stop. i’ve been running for 5 years and don’t know why, i hate it.
This may sound so random so today I felt like I was super sonic I’m a bit overweight so it’s harder for me to move but I ran so fast that the super skinny strong runners look at me like seriously my legs were not stopping
I am feeling like this right now. When I’m “feeling fat”, I feel like I can’t do anything right and like I can’t see anything through to the end. I feel like a complete failure. I hate the way I look, how round my face is, and what this is like. Ugh. I’m gonna try and take your advice.
My very cruel abusive narcissist mother hated me. Told me that I was inadequate and that I could never do anything. Now she says, “Why aren’t any of my kids doctors and lawyers?
You forgot one: “Where the heck am I?!” I literally have no sense of direction! ��
I don’t wear many of the clothes I have which are cute because I’m fat. I don’t go to parties or some meetings because I’m fat. Nothing suits me even makeup looks weird on me is what I’m thinking. I only searched this because I’m going at my friend’s birthday and gonna meet several new people and I feel fat and I don’t want to go.
Lol me im always thinking about if people r looking at me i dont mind if i run for ages just people watching me
You are so pretty Justine. You are my inspiration to go back to the gym
and then after you run you get that whole body pain that’s indescribable because it just burns and aches everyyywherreee
I can’t believe she didn’t think at least once about a potential fall. That’s all I think about when I’m forced to run
My thoughts when running: “if I don’t reach the tree before the car does I’m dead”
Her: “I have only been running SIX MINUTES?!”
Me: “I have only been running TWO MINUTES?!”
i absolutely despise running. even if i’m in the most interesting city ever, i just hate it. biking is where it’s at lmao
These random thoughts is what makes running not that hard and that’s why I do track
Im a dancer but I also run just to get my stamina better but when I feel like giving up I always say “pain is temporary, giving up is forever” ��
I can’t stop listening to him. This kind of knowledge needs teaching at school as a major subject alongside English, science and math. No wonder society is messed up there is no education in how to live life.
Where does this insecurity come from? From the way your parents looked at you throughout your childhood.
In summary, Doc is trying to tell us that it’s very human to have guilt, feel inadequate etc. Everyone has these feelings, or goes through social humiliation in their head or for real in life. So instead of being stuck on these feelings, focus on working hard, making a life for yourself, delay instant gratification to achieve future goals. Everyone is gonna die anyways. Might as well die trying to live. Tragedy and suffering is part and parcel of life.
I’m the opposite of an agoraphobe because when I think I’m gonna have a heart attack I go out into public cause theres always a chance a doctor is passing you in public and will be able help lololol
I too have become one of those annoying people and this was so uplifting thank you
I have been diagnosed with BPD, but i think I may have APD too, is this common?
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has just like a continuous spew of thoughts on their run
Me: imma start running
starts running
Altitude: haha better luck next time
What a misleading title… Titles like these fuel anxiety into people believing they have a condition which they most probably don’t.
Everyone fears humiliation! Avoidant personality disorder goes way beyond the scope of that
Everyone: I can’t even run for 6 minutes straight!
Me: Cry in Cross Country
Justine you just encouraged the crap out of me.:) I love the positivity!
I talked to a guitarist at a bar once who said it was easier to play cover songs at gigs because playing his own songs in front of strangers is terrifying-it’s like going up there naked, allowing everything about you to be seen and criticized.
I run in my treadmill (INTOROVERT) and now its dead… ����������
More awesome words of wisdom from the master. Thank you Dr. Peterson. You’ve changed my life for the better. You’re a gift from God.
It’s possible to think you’re better than most people and still think you have room for improvement/significant inadequacies. This might be more likely to manifest in someone relatively disagreeable. Although this sense of superiority may be somewhat shallow rather than deeply rooted.
Thank you so much for this video! EMDR is an excellent tool to help heal from developmental trauma, which may be continually triggered when we even think about taking risks in relationships or other endeavors!
would be nice to hear more from the person being interviewed, instead of it being mostly the interviewer talking.
Ive avoided certain people that make me feel anxious and socialize with people I feel secure with but there’s always that feeling of wanting to disengage I have to force myself to stay in that interaction and not turn away.
Your to popular to help if I had you blabbering on when I was younger I feel I’d be smarter. A phone call from u really factor
I always fear of telling jokes in front of others, thinking if they would laugh or not, now i know i have APD.
I get so anxious you run in a town. i have special track in forest for running
I’ve been watching Jordan Peterson videos for about two years. I am often seeing videos where he repeats himself, but this one is one of its kind.
I totally do the thing where 5 miles is actually 2.5 each way ��
How do you forgive yourself of something you did when you were 19, and it still eats at you every day, and now your 51?
Bruhhh, I literally never see anyone else running, cuz no one runs where I live: ( I have no one to flex on
Whenever u run do u ever get rlly excited that it’s going downhill but then u remember that if it’s going downhill then it’s gonna go uphill soon and u regret ur life choices
Her shoes and form is soooooo bad! This is so hilariously inaccurate! The uphill part is NOT what running hills is like. But anyway, love the channel and her hard work!
Edit: I say this because I’m a runner who runs for sport. Still, love the channel and content
I feel sorry for all the Aspie girls who get misdiagnosed with APD.
Jesus Christ Loves Y’all Repent before It’s to late it will break God’s heart to see you in hell��
my sister is super fit and healthy and goes to the gym everyday, and she loves seeing all and any people of all sizes at the gym, she says it makes her happy because going to the gym is a positive thing of wanting to better yourself etc. etc. i honestly think that’s more of a common outlook than people being judgemental is.
I’m 5’2 and I used to be 170 pounds, I lost 50 pounds thinking the “feeling fat” thing would go away and it hasn’t. Idk what to do. I just feel like people would make fun of me for being fat because that’s what happened when I was 170 pounds. No matter what I do that sad feeling won’t go away
hi Mary i feel fat rn and i’m 11 two months ago in the back of my head i thought about ending it i feel fat about everyday every time i check my wight i look in the mirror and i say why am i so fat but this video helped and i’m gonna try and be more positive
I don’t think I’ve thought about finding a dead body while running
It came out of nowhere i cut most of my hair off myself while crying because i thought my hair was hidious and i cant live with it. its shorter than my ears now. I look in the mirror at my body and feel like a fat whale even though for months I have been loving my body. Im going through something. But I dont know why? Is there somthing that triggered this extreme feeling of self hatred when i have been loving myself for months? Idk whats going on.
She is a racist. Please go to her Instagram page where she states that if white people are silent, that they are part of the problem with racism. She will not buy products from companies if the companies have not used their platforms to address the black lives matter platform. She also stated that white people need to buy books from only black people when educating themselves on African American history. I have screenshots. And it’s all over her instagram.
I guess the million dollar question that most of us want/NEED to hear is:
“what happened?…what caused that part of your life to be so dreadful?”
**from those who you’ve hurt/and walked thru hell to restore the confidence and respect that you never knew you could have.
But then it’ll be too late, when their eating the fruits of my labor, they’ll convince themselves that the one who helped them guide to Heaven (on earth) is completely fine……
Sacrifice.
Feeling fat for me makes me feel like “how could anyone want THIS?” It makes me feel less than other people. It makes me feel like other people are looking at me going “ew gross look how fat she is” it’s makes me feel like my boyfriend is going to look at me and be like “o he let herself go, I want someone thinner” makes me not feel good enough.
Good evening, I would like to suggest a
therapeutic book I wrote which is also available for free in electronic format
Please see the enclosed You Tube presentation of the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5BhH_m2WtY
I’m at the point where I’m crying every day and there’s not one day I feel good about my body and I get really uncomfortable when I’m with my boyfriend bc I don’t feel good enough, etc.
Hello Mary, my name is Ana and for this moment of my life I am trying to accept myself and feel comfortable in my own skin, well for these months or so since December, I have been gaining weight, I am a very tall and thin girl, but I have always been under my due weight, I do not feel well gaining weight, I feel fat and I disgust, although I know that I must weigh 63kg, for my health. I need some advice or help.:(
The guilt is unfounded.
The inadequacy is a matter of accountability and may or may not correlate to personal responsibility depending on the circumstance.
I can only see being self conscious as a good thing unless you’re SO self conscious that it inhibits your ability to act.
Hey Mary,
My name is Alan and I have been struggling with my relationship ship with food. I was a teenage kinda chubby teenager growing up. I say that because we all gain weight when going through puberty.
When I was 16 I started eating less and less and when I was 17 I stopped eating completely. So of corse I was very thin. And I adored my body that way. But when I grew out of it this year, I obviously put some weight back on. And the muscle that was once there, (I played a lot of sport) was not as strong as it once was. And I begin to just. Force myself to workout. But I lost motivation and just stopped. I did a workout today and I started watching this. I think I have a fear of weight.? Or something? Or gaining it back?
Hey, Mary. This video really changed my day! I was having a bad body image day today. I started feeling beautiful and amazing, I even took a few selfies this morning and then, later in the day, I was trying to take some bikini selfies to send my husband, and all of a sudden, I felt so insecure! My body looked weird and imperfect and I simply said I was busy and couldn’t sent him the photo. We haven’t seen each other in three days, and he won’t be back for another week… I thought I was feeling ‘fat’. I was feeling lonely and unproductive. Your video opened my eyes. Thank you so much ❤️
I think trust in a relationship is overrated. When my husband started getting frequent night calls, i would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, i decided i deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this great ethical hacking team( [email protected] ) who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch the device. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location, WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages (both deleted and incoming ones) with a remote link to a programmed App on my phone. I’m here in Florida and able to access my husband’s phone…even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. If you need help or that little bit of closure, i advice you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( [email protected] )Or Text and WhatsApp them on +15713758467…thank me later.
Well, I had chills. You have a point! Definitely. Thank you for all the work you do! Keep it up!��
I’m feeling “fat” right now. I tried on some clothes today and nothing fit well and made me feel bad about myself. It makes me mad at myself because what a silly thing to worry about when they’re some many blessings in my life and so much better shit to focus on. I loved this video and all that you do thank you.
These are actual tools I can now USE on my bad days. I have never heard this perspective really explained and resolved before. Hearing you talk about this turned a light switch in my head. THANK YOU.
You’re so wise for your age!! Yep been there. What a terrible feeling of being not good enough. Thanks for your content.
Not sure which “branch” of Social Psychology he’s talking about at the beginning, but if he meant the Dunning-Kruger effect, that has more to do with people thinking they are better at a specific thing than they are, not thinking that they are morally better than other people. If he’s talking about the Fundamental Attribution Error, that basically just posits that people generally see themselves as the protagonist of their own life, which shouldn’t be too controversial. People generally do blame circumstances for their negative actions, and innate personality traits on the negative actions of others; again, not people generally “thinking they are better than others”, just being more familiar with themselves.
Hi Mary! I’m in Mesa, AZ �� I’ve been recovering from a long restrictive binge cycle disorder. I’m experiencing food freedom and no longer engage in any restriction and I’m able to eat and move my body intuitively. I’m working on my self worth and acceptance of my larger body. I gained a lot really quickly and Im still getting used to dressing my body and finding confidence more from within. I still struggle but it doesn’t hold me back from living life. Some days I feel so good but on bad body image days I wonder if I can really do this. It makes me sad that I don’t like my unsuppressed body and I’m really looking forward to the day when I don’t feel “fat” anymore. Thank you for your encouragement and if your doing any workshops or get togethers in the area I would love to come ��
Hi Mary… so this fat feeling for me is comparing my body to other women’s body. I am always thinking that I am the biggest of my class, of the restaurant, of the gym, I am always comparing to others and not enjoying anything. I feel unworthy too
I suddenly feel terribly guilty for the actions Ive taken. Drugs, antidepressants and abusive relationships. All were a crutch. Ive wasted my life and Im quite intelligent. Ive leant on people whonhave compassion for me but they dont actually care about me. Please pray for me.
I was always like this. Maybe not as bad before, but now it’s out of control. Here is my story. I’m currently 19, almost 20 years old and I’m Colombian, grew up here as well, in a very conservative neighborhood/school. From 1st to 6th grade I was in an elite school for boys, and it was hell on earth. I was never a tough kid, in fact, I’ve always been sensitive and cared for peoples comfort when talking to me. I was bullied in that school, so I decided to change into a boy and girl school. Guys, this change was very overwhelming for me, because TONS of beautiful girfls liked me and talked to me. Literally girls fell in love with me because I guess they thought I was cute and because I came from an elite school (I guess they thought I was rich or something, I’m definitely NOT).
I didn’t know how to talk to women, so I was a cute little nice kid. I moved to Chile in 7th grade, and the exact same thing happened (Tons of girls came to me, they had crushes on me, etc) and I didn’t know how to act, I felt like I wasn’t cool enough or that maybe the way I was or talked was going to make them laugh.
Came back to my old school on 8th grade, but know I was forgotten, no girls looked at me, nothing. Well, only younger girls. Because of this, I decided to hit on younger girls because I felt less scared and like maybe it was easier for me. So I got a couple of GFs, but only to make out and stuff like that. Then, my ego started showing a bit, I was feeling a bit more confident.
I Started to get publicly humiliated in front of my classroom by this rich fucking asshole. I wasn’t like the typical extrovert, soccer playing Colombian. I failed 10th grade and Eventually I got a GF my age, we lasted 20 months. That year I started hanging out with the “popular guys”, and because of that, I felt cool and validated. Started being manipulated by them just to fit in, and this guy ended up beating the shit out of me in front of popular guys and girls. It sucked, so I stopped hanging out with them. My best friend betrayed me and also made fun of me behind my back (There goes my ego, the little I had, just anal fucked).
In those months with my ex I felt powerful, and tons more liked me. We broke up right after I graduated high school because she was faking a pregnancy and tons of other crazy shit, because I was getting sick of her toxicness.
Since then, my 1st year in college was miserable. I couldn’t talk to girls anymore. I couldn’t even make guy friends. I’ve been completely alone for a year and a half. I have 3 friends, but they are doing their thing, they have their own friends. It sucks, because I was kinda supposed to be the “leader” of the group, and now I’m the only one who is lonely. I can’t make other friends, and even less talk to females. I lost my faith in Colombian people, and I hope I leave this fucking place, because it’s done so much damage to me, sometimes I cry just thinking about it.
Well, if you read all of this, thank you. I just hope if you fell sort of similar to me, your future will be amazing. It’s all about personal growth. I’m working on it… Sure you will too!
I feel like dr ramani doesn’t use the word trauma enough. She has series of videos about narcissism and personality disorders in general that seem to stoke fear rather than compassion. Many people with npd and BPD have beautiful personality traits and are the way they are because of horrific trauma. I wish dr ramani would speak about these disorders in a way that equally encourage boundaries and empathy. Her most emotional moment was celebrating her daughter’s secure attachment. My judgement says she’s taking advantage of the sensationalism of “personality disorders” to get views.
I was nervous being judged too, especially by the super fit regular gym goers. I noticed that everyone at the gym is focused on doing their own thing and could really care less what I’m doing, I guess it’s because they’re worried about themselves as well:)
Peterson has a dark, wry sense of humour that is matched only by his intelligence.
I wonder how Dr. Peterson is doing these days? Does anybody know?
I’ve never thought or been taught that Adam and Eve realizing they were naked had anything to do with sexual sin. Hard to believe that people actually think that. I mean even a child can understand the concept
Literally can’t run a lap around a track. People assume it’s because I don’t exercise but in reality I exercise a lot but I have really bad asthma and running half a lap makes my chest burn really bad. Which really sucks because I love running, when I was younger my asthma wasn’t as bad and I used to run miles like it was nothing.
A child coming from narcissistic environment already has lack of confidence and I’m not enough. They feel fear for their safety in social interactions! They feel if they are unable to deliver, people may lash out at them. They may be met with aggression. Since early childhood they see anger outbursts, physical aggression screaming name calling as normal expression of showing disapproval! Any advice or video for people like that:)
More clearly I’d say it’s the fear that I will cause that heart attack
Everyone has a starting point and the fact that you had the courage and DISCIPLINE to start exercising is worthy of admiration not everyone has the guts to start and keep it up and people that judges others that look “different” are so full of themselves that isn’t even worthy to even listen what they think of you cause they have their heads so up to their asses getting fit or most likely start a healthier lifestyle is a personal journey that’s rough and deserves admiration keep up because for every asshole that has some negative criticism about you, you are inspiring more people to get on a better shape cause they see not only how you look better but feel better and regardless the size you’re stunning!
I was hoping for advice on not feeling self conscious and inadequate. He just told me that there was something wrong with me, but I already knew that.
“what am I? A newborn deer with a drinking problem!? “
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An expert in his field. I could listen to him talk for hours
Thank you so much I feel better now. Am going to love my body.
People who ” believe” Adam and Eve existed right from the get go are in illusion. So this is DISinformation to support another hidden agenda.
“Hey, if you don’t you will” dammit he killed me with that one ������ so true, the more someone seems perfect the more it is a hint that he/she is hiding a BIG FLAW/PROBLEM
I’m thinking about joining a gym and this video really helped! You’re the best AND you look cute in pink:)
Do you mind if I gif the part where you talk about the people who say someone needs to go to the gym is the same person who makes fun of the fat person at the gym and post on tumblr? It really hit me in a personal way and I would love to make it a post.
You can’t see the future only the past. We use the past to predict the future. Our biggest fear is death and every other fear is derived from that. We people are not conscious, we are sleeping.
Yeah and as a runner all of these thoughts go through my head
I’ve been competing in track and cross country for 7 years, I just turned 13 a few days ago. The struggle is real.
Naked represents vulnerability. While sex is certainly an act of vulnerability those who are promiscuous are missing the most important factor of vulnerability. Emotional vulnerability. The think they can fill that void with sex, or drugs, or food, or work, or spirituality, etc, but the only thing the fils the void is emotional validation. People with feelings of guilt, inadecuacy, and low self-esteem are the result of recieving emotional validation where it’s important (from a mother to a child turnin the devloping years) This leads to finding friends, and lovers who are just as emotionally invalidating or neglectful. And since this concept is so foreign, they have no clue how to address it and comes out as jealously when they discover their mate is cheating on them. Or the cringy SJWs who lose it when Trump became president. Or incels who cannot figure out that their lonliness is the result of not understanding their emotions. Being ugly is not an excuse. Ugly people are in relationships all the time. It’s what I see 90% of the time. But I’m also shallow person, so don’t take the 90% seriously.
1:15
And i think that the most of us feel guilty about that, so the question is, why we are not what we think that we should be? Why we don’t do what we think that will make us happier?? And why we keep wasting our free time (on Facebook, Netflix…) that we don’t even love (and maybe we know that we will feel guilty after doing that, and we do ) instead of doing what we think that can make us better than what we are??
How the fuck has this man thought this much as such a deeper level!? Holy fuck!
“Fake it until you make it” is my motto when it comes to exercising! I’ll just do it, regardless of how anxious or scared I am and act like I’m training for the olympics! I used to be scared of being seen when running outside but once my friends started complimenting me on my running technique and telling me that they’ve been seeing me run past their houses, the confidence went straight through the goddamn roof!
The only thing going through my head when I run is me thinking how bad I must be at running, and everyone’s looking at me Yada Yada Yada… I always think I look weird when I run. Someone also made fun of me for how I ran and I thought, do I really look that bad? Jesus christ
Bullying was a big deal during my childhood. And my father was an alcoholic
My thoughts “ok I’ll have a break at the end of this song, no when I reach that tree… ok nevermind I want it now!”
Best quote: “you belong wherever you are!” Love you words so powerful/inspiring! <3
I’m so competitive that if i see any other person crossing me while running….actually, even while walking I’d use all the stamina I’ve in my body just to show him/her I’m faster
I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re being true to you in your videos. I, for one, LOVE jpmetz as herself. You’re awesome.
I feel really over confident one day and then I hurt someone and then I feel like shit.
I am glad you happier and working to improve your life and self.. but i miss the miserable angry negative jpmetz! lol but again, glad you are happier and more positive now. we need more of that in the worlds anyways:)
Good talk mixed with a little bit of Christian propaganda…
I’m not fat I’m underweight and skinny but quarantine has made me feel fat, I binge eat because of my anxiety and I have loose skin that nobody else can notice but me and it still makes me so insecure. I used to have abs and super-tight skin on my tummy now I just have squish and as an athlete, I feel disgusted in myself but if I try talk to friends or family they tell me I’m super skinny and have nothing to complain about.
this guy…is so full of…himself LoL ooof..I wish could be some one else in his place
My mother also has MS, unfortunately she is not very mobile, I think you are an inspiration for not only those who also suffer from MS but for everyone! Keep it up girl!
Thanks a lot for all the knowledge you are producing, I have finished my phd, I have never heard of you before that, but writing about the self was my own way of improving myself behaviour, becoming determined of my goals in life, and I have conducted a phd on this. You helped me indeed to be confident on my findings and the way I communicate them.
Bless you
A Muslim woman following your thoughts. What I respect more is your respect of religions this shows how balanced your thoughts are!
Thank you.
I would be really interested in a series on attachment styles in children and adults…how they are presented, how they can be managed etc. I know this is a personality disorder but the word “avoidant” sparked my thought.
my English is getting better.. watching his videos…thank Jordan Peterson
Sometimes this man be simply speakin facts about the reality around us and ppl somehow astounded by what he says, theyre that blimd
His view of the world is so depressing. This is the Internet so people will say deal with it and that’s just cause you’re weak and you have to deal with that stuff and so on and whatever they can do to infer your inferiority to them. But for a lot of people they don’t seem to be living in the hellscape existence he portrays, like their entire lives. For him life is just suffering and heavy responsibilities and being stoic enough to just suffer through it while sort of working through any issues, and happiness is a sort of frivolous side thing that you must earn through great pain if at all. And no, it everyone had some horrible thing wrong with them. And there’s no way you’d know that anyway. There’s literally not one thing where he’s like, ‘oh yeah, this will help and things are good.’ He’s like the CNN of speakers, just all crises and death. I know all of his fans will attack me for saying that and blame me as that’s what the Internet is for but he’s extremely demotivating. Feels like there’s no point in even building civilization further, everything is just push your problems down so they don’t annoy others, ignore what you want to do so you can work at a hard stable job, embrace how horrible you are and always be aware of it so you don’t go evil at any time. Life is mostly suffering so you know, have fun out there.
This is an interesting episode. It describes my one son perfectly. We had a healthy attachment. He was happy to go to school, happy to see me etc. As a preteen and early teenager, he got bullied horribly. He moved schools after two years, but the damage was done. A once happy and confident young boy, became depressed and started saying things exactly like what is mentioned. He became obsessed with what others thought of him and behaved in ways in social circumstances that made his problem worse.
This is the first time I actually understand what is going on with him. Thank you.
You need to make some more rant/advise type videos like this! Also you look hella good Justine!:D
Once again a good lecture exploring the human psyche and trying to explain NZ who we are and the reasons why we believe what we believe
I’ve always thought group therapy would be easier for me because I’m with other that are being vulnerable aswell. And because the attention isnt all on me, I sometime feel that I’m making a person uncomfortable because I kind of have a wall up.
feeling fat for me is when I go to the mall to buy new clothes, having a good mood, but then I leave with one oversize shirt, having a bad mood for a week. Or I can not understand what size to pick, because all the shops are different, and I’m afraid to ask a shop assistant for help because she/he would have to look me from the bottom to the top, and I always feel like they think about how bad do I look like.
Also, I hate it, when I’m hanging out with my friends, we’re having a good time and I seem to forget about my insecurities for once, but then I look at our photos and that’s it, I feel ugly again, especially comparing to my friends.
I dont care what the youtubers i follow look like, as long as they are honest and happy and healthy. I think youre on a sure path to being all those things and thats great.
I have a question
As JP says like “the world owners are those who have a weapon but keep it sheathed”
So well, after analyzing my life and why I fail I got to the point that I have to learn to handle conflicts and hard situations. I was not sure I’m the one who has a weapon, or at least I didn’t know how to use it. So I decided to try and started to engage into conflicts. And I was fucking terrified every time. Even before starting. And the reason is that I was afraid that stuff will get personal and will turn into a fight. Telling so cause my childhood was full of such things, fights and people who were trying to intimidate me. Thus, I wanted to have a battle and to feel my strength. So I got to the point I have to engage into a physical fight to conquer the fear of it. And I contacted my enemy of now and started to provoke him and intimidate him. He tried to show off but sort of rejected a fight offer, even though he was threatening me recently.
Every time I was doing such things I was shaking.
Now maybe it became better but I realized I’m trying to control people around.
So my last thought was coming to the point that I sort of have to fight to have a weapon and then when I will feel it, I’ll have to keep it sheathed sort of.
Anyway, many thoughts of this start to ruminate, kinda like I have to engage into a fight and I’m scared of a consequences.
Maybe I’m getting something wrong.
Help!
Thank you Justine! I definitely needed to hear this today, you are amazing.
I am whatching this video naked. Infront of my window… My nigthbor sees me….. Im waving at him…. But its not my hands. Am i fucked
I’ll be frank now, something about this lecture simply struck me. It’s as though his words immaculately conveyed what I would struggle for 10x longer to do so. Simply genius, almost got me to tears. Thank you for this
please let her talk…it takes you forever to talk! and when you wanna learn it’s just really annoying!
My summary of the video: Everyone feels guilty, indequate, and self-conscious except for some narcissistic people.
I guess what he’s trying to say is most people feel inadequate with themselves so it’s natural but it’s our way of trying to improve ourselves since the curse of Adam and Eve. It’s a bit of a Christian perspective, which I actually agree with since I am a Christian.
I guess the solution is to act through gratitude of Jesus’ sacrifice once you believe. (which I may not be doing a good job of…)
I made two obvious mistakes at work today that i shouldn’t have made, I’m better than that. Or at least, i thought I was, the end result proves that clearly i wasn’t, I missed 2 expired items in an area I’m supposed to be responsible for. And I neglected to scan two chip bags a customer was purchasing along with a large order. By all rights I should be fired and if I am now, I’d understand as to why.
Why not offer a piece on Chiristianity, Jordy, and how they’ve served to double the suicide rate among gay teens by pointing fingers at them, ostracizing them, shaming them, and marginalizing them setting them up as targets of hate and violence and causing them to feel guilty, inadequate, and self-conscious? Or is the hateful, divisive belief system your sacred cow and off limits for any criticism? You wouldn’t be a world class hypocrite like every other Christian apologist, would you?
It’s really helpful…I’m a guy who’s been a prisoner of self-consciousness for years(Still is)…It has taken a toll on my life and career upto to the point of confining myself to the 4 walls of my room…I never really sought any help…Watching videos like these ushers in a ray of hope for me
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This sounds kind of like what I had as a little kid. Is it possible to just grow out of it?
Nakedness is vulnerability and vulnerability means we need to plan and toil.
I don’t know if I should talk to someone about maybe having APD… I can socialize, and my social skills aren’t bad, but it takes a huge effort. I have a loving partner who I adore and can share everything with, but at the same time I have no friends, have a habit of pushing people away, and just generally avoid having any lasting contact with people because the act of socializing with them triggers such overwhelming feelings of learned panic and inadiquacy. I have some talent as an artist and I could very conceivably do well in freelance commercial work, but that involves interacting with people so I’ve just avoided doing anything related to my illustration degree. I am avoiding opportunities and shutting out relationships, and I feel this is more then just being shy and introverted. I don’t want to self diagnose, but I really relate to the feeling of being paralyzed. I have been on medication for anxiety, but it is a side effect of having to interact with others. Even walking past strangers is uncomfortable. There’s also a big history of autism in my family (grandfather brother and mother), and I wonder if I may be somewhere on that spectrum or have some of those traits.
I’m frustrated with myself and I know there’s something blocking me moving forward but I don’t know what aside from anxiety, which I feel is a side effect of something deeper rather then the reason.
I’ve been reading up on this disorder, and I find that it describes me almost to a T. (Realizing of course that I ought to see a mental health care professional to get an accurate verdict on that.) I do have a question, though. Can this disorder be comorbid with Autism Spectrum Disorder?
Im very confident with my talents and skills yet I never showcase them. My audience is always myself. I also never want to say what I need to say because I don’t want any conflicts. I always say what the others want to hear instead of being technical. That’s why I don’t do well in anything that involves negotiating(I failed countless times because of this). I wish I could turn it off but I couldn’t. Im so agreeable it hurts.
I wish people knew about this instead of telling me Im such a coward, or lazy or reckless.
Very relatable to disliking being touched, I also would focus so hard on comparing myself to every.single.woman in the room and even if I felt I “looked better” than most it still didn’t make me feel any better bc then I compared myself to my unrealistic expectations. when the feeling was strong, it also made any comments feel like a insult. I felt like they low key were making fun of me. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere. I been working on self love and the root issues of why I even feel unworthy, etc & it’s been a journey but helpful. I see/feel this side much less. But lately I have been feeling it s little which is why I clicked on this video. thank you xoxo reminds me of how far ive come but that I dont want to fall back either.
I’m constantly feeling overwhelmed like life isn’t real and I never feel like I’m in the moment talking to people I just feel like a robot pretending. Idk how to explain it, but I’m just so tired of it. I wish I could be myself but honestly i don’t even know who that is…
This is a topic I’ve been searching for. I have benefited from in all sorts good ways from your videos in general.I have to disagree with you some what about the benefits of group therapy. If you do not feel comfortable with the other persons present you will not open up. I was part of a group for general MI issues full of people I had to have contact with outside of the group. Many of these individuals would talk about the group to persons who were not members of the group. The facilitators never took this into consideration when choosing topics. Because of issues beyond just humiliation issues I dropped out quickly. I have avoided group therapy for more then 5 years even though I could benefit from them. I also need to say services in general at this particular mental health facility are terrible.
My mother and father are the most sweet and caring since always, but they have a bad marriage, I have never seen love from my father towards my mother, I remember suffering as a child about it. I dont know if this has to be with the fact i have the avoidant desorder. And yeah, i was bullied and ignored by kids of my age, and then in my early adulthood, now I dont have any interaction, I dont talk to anybody, i have always been an outsider, I dont care what everyone thinks about me, but Its the affirmation of the things I think i am.
Adam and eve (peace be upon them) were not throne out of paradise because they became self-consious, it’s because they ate from that tree which the almighty have forbid them from eating from.
i started taking cross country this year and all i think is:
why did i sign up for this.
30 miles is only 15 each way which is basically 10, and 10 is 2×5, but 5 is EASY! i’m signing up
that’s some amaazing math
I feel like I’m a mixture of all the personality disorders ��
i’m always afraid of everyone, all people I want comunicat with everyone but im afraid even go to shop. I fier that everybody look at me and think bad thing, they think im not good enough and I’m fighting with it sooo many yars…f you are to just write to me, no judge swear
A woman having a heartattack will have her shirt and bra violently ripped off before defib.. so she’s got plenty of reason to be worriedespecially after the attention (and shame) our society puts on the female nipple.
I like to play with toys, scream out loud, dance everytime. But I am afraid to do it. I hate the feeling of being judged, being thought as being mad, unattractive, ignored. The worst is being ignored. Do I have something more than just APD?
“…between a mother and child…”
“…or primary caregiver…”
This is the world I live in.
No, he said “mother and child”.
This is “normal” this is how it’s supposed to be, how it’s been for thousands upon bazllions of eons. The primary caregiver is the one who gave birth, aka “mom”.
Perhaps you wanted to correct him for diagnostic accuracy, but the modern world would correct him for being politically incorrect in assuming that, again, the way it’s supposed to be, mom is the primary caregiver. And why do I insist on putting it that way? For the same reason Will Hunting would choose the wrench. I wasn’t asked if I wanted this modern horror that’s been made of western civilization. And one guess what profession was immensely helpful in bringing about this change.
Part of the problem I have with shrinks is that they’re people, with opinions, feelings, bigotries… I was about to say all their own, but no, shared by modern society. So how can you trust any of them with any ideas or values you have that aren’t in lock-step with modern dogma? Or worse, it becomes a minefield trying to figure out what to say and what not to say to avoid triggering their individual bigotries. And how can you get the help you may honestly need if you have to tiptoe through your own thoughts and feelings that way?
Listening to him makes me want to go back to school and actually learn something that will make me feel like I’ve done something with my life.
I have APD and still struggle with being myself around others and feeling confident in myself especially in social situations but it’s all about practice and being kind and learning to love yourself despite your mistakes. Judging and hating myself never ever made me grow and get better but loving myself purposefully and intensely I have learned to get better with my problems. I did this with living with the same family who have caused me the traumas and living in the situation. Of constantly trying to grow and not be triggered Nd loving self more despite the stressful judge mental environment I live in. I have 0 friends and 0 support from anyone. I have just been very intent on getting better
Does anyone know of any books written on this topic? I’m desperately trying to read more on this but it’s extremely difficult to find reading material.
I think part of what helped me learn to cope with fear of humiliation (as my other comments should make clear) is coming to the realization that I can take it; that I can be humiliated and survive out the other side… A variation on the Litany Against Fear from “Dune”, if you will;
“I must not fear humiliation.
Humiliation is the mind-killer.
Humiliation is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my humiliation.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the humiliation has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Recovering from this disorder. Self diagnosed. Can and do talk to strangers in shops now. will still get embarrassed occasionally but do not turn beet red and hot as a fire as often.Self therapy, too
Group therapy sounds great; I can so much better deal with my own twitches by interacting with a bunch of other twitchers.
I guess group therapy works fine for people who like people, but if you generally dislike people, this whole “meh, one person is as good as another to associate with” treatment I would find mostly aggravating. Ever see one of the episodes of “House” when he was in group therapy? Yeah, that’d be me.
I’ve recently heard of avoidant personality disorder and I feel very confused
Cuz It was common for introverts
Or depressed introverts
Im confused
If you’re feeling insecure, you should sit down and talk about feeling. With someone who cares.
re: primary caregiver (aka MOM) leaving child at daycare, then reuniting.
yeah, dumping your kids with strangers all day is going to make them secure. It’s why we’re so much more mentally/emotionally stable than we were 70 years ago. Oh, wait, we’re not…
I can’t think about a specific thing for more then 10 seconds when I run
I spent my entire 20s going into group settings. Never had therapy for AvPD (didn’t know it was a thing!!) I did workshops, I spent a lot of time on online forums (of course) but also I went into retail, which was miraculous of itself. I learned that in spite of my massive stage fright, and failure to form bonds with others beyond the group settings (whether is was work or school) I could really get a sense of group dynamics and social interactions in a healthy way. I also discovered that through types of jobs where you are seen as an authority, where people come to you and they have a built in respect for your knowledge, it seems to somewhat bypass the built in shame of the self that we have. You can gain a sense of purpose by having this kind of dynamic. I went into hairdressing, and although I was let go after 3 months in the feild because I was “too quiet” for the group there, I learned a great deal, including social skills I still use with the public now. It was how I got into retail. And now I am becoming a massage therapist. I love one on one interactions and when you know prior to your interactions that you are actually respected and not going to be ridiculed, it makes a difference. Of course there is still the inner fear of not being respected, but I think there are ways around and through this disorder, but it may take decades of doing things that really scare you and listening closely to your inner voice. It doesn’t go away but you can make it better. My conviction over hiding that I am socially inept has caused me to force myself to be more socially able. Kind of a double negative attitude that pushed me to some semblance of functionality. Not saying that I have ever hit a successful career yet where I don’t have to depend on others financially in my mid 30s but I know I will get there before my 40s. It sucks when life feels like it is constantly on hold because of something like that, but there are ways out, and yes it takes more patience than most people can even imagine having.
I’m too dumb to understand what he is talking about. I just space out after like 2 mins
Also, not being treated properly by toxic close friends can trigger APD, as I’ve had my experiences now I can’t trust people fully out of fear of being treated the same way.
I’ve actually yelled at people before for openly mocking others at the gym before. Stand up for everyone!
Always nice to see a new video from you Justine <3
I’m trying to get to where you are, mentally at least. I’ve been wanting to try doing yoga outside on the beach. I live in Honolulu now, and I just think yoga at the beach park would be awesome. I haven’t gathered up enough ladyballs to do it. I’m nervous, because I’m not good at it and it’s in the public. But I really want to.::sigh:: I’m having a hard time getting over my fears.
Good video but the host is annoying. He interupts the Dr. too often.
I take issue with an affliction like this being grouped with other personality disorders such as psychopathy or sociopathy (Antisocial Personality Disorder) or NPD or BPD. Those disorders are often much more destructive to self and others; even criminally so (not so much BPD, or NPD in terms of criminal behavior)…but still. I realize this is debatable of course, but I just don’t think people with Avoidant leanings in and of itself (without any diagnosable comorbid personality disorders) are as destructive as the others.
I 1000% percent have this condition and it destroys basically every aspect of my life I have to take anxiety medicine or drink a beer or two just to be able to talk to people without panicking
I’ve lived with that most of my life the main trauma is the three torturous days of brutal analysis and self-hatred that comes after a social interaction. Better not to go in the first place..
Growing up with neglect, insults, beatings, rejection, bullying at home and at school.. it’s what life is, for everybody, if you’re on your own.
I was almost bullied to death, like literally, I almost killed myself. I was bullied in school and at home by my brother. I felt like shit, then, later on, I was constantly rejected in relationships, so it drove me into complete isolation. That’s it, now I have no friends, barely can answer a text message, not talking about going outside…
Great stuff… and helpful… but…. the problem with this is when you live in a society where some bullshit is acceptable… like being narcissistic in America, or being ordinary and passive in India… which are as extremes bullshit then social embarrassment is something that is a must, if you are better than those social behaviours!!!!, and it is not a disorder, it is a situation that you learn to live with and be autonomous…
Oh, and FitnessBlender on YouTube. Fabulous, free exercise vids you can do easily at home, if you so desire:)
How do you correct this attachment disorderI have this, I never felt safe, was often abandoned for months from 7 until adult. Humiliated always and betrayed and bullied by my brothers and sisters.. Any Ideas? I never drank or did drugs, just avoided relationships everywhere? I would Love to have oneI am 61. LOL!!
I’ve been running for 6 years
I’m 12
I think these things
And more������
I know this video is old but I just wanted to say that most of the people I’ve met at my gym are super nice and non-judgy. very grateful for that.
I had to do the mile run at school today and it was bad I hate running
It’s possible that I have the syntoms, but with different parent situation?
I’ve been running for so long and when I run, this is what I think: vVS mY DiAmOnDs I dOnT nEeD nO LiGhT tO sHiNe
only nct fans will understand…if there are any lol
Shoooot my child didn’t even notice me leave the daycare ����
Living with a narcissist can cause development of this disorder or behavior pattern.
Everyone here is telling their experience or feeling while running but I just can’t run coz I don’t want street dogs running behind me!!! That’s true the whole pack runs of they see a person running!
The only thing i think about when i run is that my lungs are going to burst
I have a serious question for Dr Ramani… is there ANY person on this entire PLANET she thinks doesn’t need therapy or psychiatric help? Does she think such people exist, can exist?
This is very interesting. I have learned to distrust people because they are bad people. Yet you say that I am the one who has a disorder. I see all those who have never learned what true abuse feels like as being in possession of a disorder. They are selfish horrific creatures who never or rarely think about what harm they cause. They have the disorder.
WHO RUNS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY??? The sun scolds you, everyone is awake?
Can you make a video on how to overcome this ugly disorder?
I have avoidant personality disorder due to bullying as a kid and not having love from my parents. It sucks because sometimes I wanna do social things but I can’t let no one in my life. Sad
I remember as a child, I hated having a cough because at school, coughing would draw attention to myself and I was terrified of having the focus on me. I was scared that I’d drop my pen on the ground and everyone would look at me. If we were doing an arts project and I needed scissors but they weren’t within reaching distance, I either wouldn’t use scissors or I would sit and wait until a couple of other people got up from their desks to get scissors. I’d hold my pee in because I was too scared to ask the teacher to go toilet. Even as a teenager this continued. Nowadays I still get anxiety, sometimes it’s so bad I can’t even leave the house. I hate being in public by myself I always feel like if someone else is there then all the attention isn’t just on me. Even though I know that no one gives a fuck what I’m buying at the supermarket or where I’m walking to when I’m walking down the street. Fuck anxiety
there are children whose parents tried abortion and the child feels rejected from the womb, so insecurity is there. Besides, personality characteristics and manipulation that leads child to introject the oncept of feeling rejected…
Ever have an avoidant personality disorder? If so, the fear of public shame may be why
Avoidant attachment style is what this is & it’s caused by parents who abandoned their kids, bad relationships, lots of family trauma. A good example: Will in the movie Good Will Hunting. This is horrible for the person trying to love the damaged. The avoidant ends up being the one who causes damage to people who try to love them because, they ghost or go into escape coward mode. It’s crushing & in my experience the signs are excuses around vulnerable issues & only being around for happy times. In tough times M.I.A. I’m explaining this in hopes to save someone else from Extreme heartbreak ����
The only thing that keeps me going while running is a big fat picture of my beloved sofa and TV, just waiting for me to come home and not leave them for hours!!!
As the y2k bug, I can tell you the early internet was used to make this a worldwide reality for me, with no trace. Now, my Father will judge your industry and all of society, but I will grind away the personal bumps with the Lathe of Heaven. This Digital Death Cult will become the death of y’all.
Just keep running just keep running just running running what do we do we run run
No I don’t think people in the west, significant portion in the west, especially women, don’t care about their sexualities and body exposed infront of the group. It has gone to a point it’s become a proud thing. It’s because of the modern culture in the name of freedom. Absolute cancer and degeneracy. The academia in the west promotes this kinda behavior and lunacy. The idealogies those idealogue groups shove like those activists groups. The more you or a group criticizes them or point out their wrongs, the more they embrace it and double down on it while labelling everyone else as immoral and extremists and oppressors. For Christ’s sake they named one of their groups pride, I mean what the fuck does pride has to do anything with whom you fuck around with and what type of sexuality your into? Slut walks, abortion, pussy hat etcetc. They just want to force every one naked like them so that they don’t have to feel bad that they are only ones who feel disgusted by themselves, so if the entire population is naked, then they don’t have to feel terrible ������.
“She’s going to be back; she’s always been back”
yes, indifference to ones most biologically attached person is just so healthy.
Here, let me take away your sirloin steak, and you can try this bean burrito. It’s just as good, and you can have sirloin tomorrow, what’s the big deal?
Oops, there I go coming up against modern dogma again, where everybody is equal and interchangeable.
You look ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC and you’re inspirational to me:)
I love you and miss you so much! I’ve been watching your videos for years and you’re honestly one of the only Youtubers I care for these days. Please continue to make videos.
Whenever I run, I always have to down to check if my boobs are going up and down too much.
Hi Christine, this was so clear and to the point. Thank you for this video, it helps me put my own experiences in a different perspective. I enjoy going out dining or dancing on my own, but is also a challenge that always teach me something new about myself. Love your way!