Just started fellowship. I am having a hard time working with the midlevels.
I entered into it with the notion that these were going to be my peers. But what I'm finding more and more is that they completely look down on me. I feel like they think I'm an idiot. And now I'm starting to feel like an idiot.
You know how when a person is trying to speak a new language to a native speaker, the native speaker has a bias that the person is unintelligent because their grammar and pronunciation are incorrect? That's what's going on here. I am a newcomer, I don't know the EMR, I don't know the hospital, and I don't know the culture. But these midlevels have been here for years. And they will be staying for years more, while I'll be out relatively soon.
Oh and I obviously don't know the subspecialty. Duh. That's why I'm training in a fellowship. But they do. They know it more than me.
I would chalk this up to ego on my part. I'm willing to. But the other day I asked one of them for an opinion -like I would a peer- on a recommendation I should make. And you know what happened? I got pimped. Like a goddamn intern.
It's like my residency doesn't count for anything. Anytime I try to share an experience from residency that informs my practice, it is ignored by them, presumably because they don't care. Or maybe they think I'm trying to flex by talking about training they don't have. Do you know how simultaneously depressing and enraging that is? All that work? Those years? That sacrifice? To just shrug it off like it never happened? And to treat me like I know absolutely nothing?
I'm more depressed by this than I ever was in residency. We were collegial back then. No one cared if you didn't know something. They didn't Socratic method you if you asked a question, they just told you because that's what you do when you regard someone as an equal.
But at the same time I recognize they know more about what they are doing than I do right now. So maybe they are right. Maybe my residency no longer matter because, hey, whoever has been doing this longer is the one that knows the most.
Can someone please help me out with some perspective? I'm not looking to get confrontational with them or go to my PD or anything like that. I just want a defense mechanism, something I can tell myself that makes this okay.. Please. It's only August and I feel defeated every single day I leave the hospital. It was never like this in residency.
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